Miriam Ballin
IsraelSeen – Prepared To Be Unprepared
One thing that makes a huge difference in the world of EMS is being prepared for what we are about to face. Of course, we as EMT’s can never be completely prepared for what we will face, but the process allows us to even just minimally get into the right mindset.
A call comes in, dispatch sends it out, we are available, we get the go ahead, and we begin to proceed.
There was a process and the end result is “respond”.
Once responding we can’t even help but begin to think about all the possibilities of calls we may be about to arrive at. Our mind starts to organize the protocols and when to do what, so we can arrive and just go on auto pilot. We arrive with somewhat of a plan. This gives us as responders a certain level of control over the situation.
We like that.
Despite how diverse, complex, and unpredictable the call may be, we still feel a certain level of preparedness. That is comforting and empowering. It is also fundamental to maintaining our emotional resilience.
What can really throw an EMT off guard is coming across a call when totally not expecting it, and being deemed as the most qualified one to handle it, or being forced to announce “I am an EMT” and then take over a call we never expected we would have to handle.
I have always been terrified for the day this would happen to me.
Of course, I come across mini micro calls all the time, and everyone is always quick to throw the patients care at me whether I was expecting it or not. A kid falls off a bike, old woman stumbles in the street, a small cut or a weird rash. These are usually not life-threatening situations, minor injuries and I have always been prepared enough despite having been unprepared.
This fear of not being prepared to be unprepared got more and more intense.
What would happen when a person’s life would be literally be teetering between life and death and I would be the only one there to help by chance???
No call, no ambulance shift, no first responder ready to go, just a nice lady doing her normal nice lady things…..
How would I respond?
Due to this constant fear I start everyday by preparing myself for this possible eventuality. My friends thought I was nuts when they heard that I do this, but in my mind its brilliant.
Every morning I say to myself “Miriam, you have an amazing skillset and the ability to help save lives, today like any day you may just come across an emergency, be aware and ready, stay calm and confident and you will be fine.”
Last week this finally happened, and I was surprised by my feelings both then and after and want to share them with you.
I was finished with work for the day, I had switched hats to my “mom” hat.
When I wear my mom hat, I try to not have my phone on, and certainly don’t expect to take any emergency calls.
As I drove off to go pick up my five-year-old son, and then would be picking up the rest of my five children, I saw a colleague, a fellow EMT running down the street.
I realized that there must be a call on the block, I hesitated. Do I look at my phone and turn on my radio and respond? No, I can’t, can I? Hmmm- I’ll be late and it’s just not fair to my son. In any case my colleague is there and surely more units will arrive to back him up soon. I decide, and it wasn’t an easy decision to continue to my son. I had a semi adrenalin dump just thinking I would have to stop and treat a patient in record time and was truly relieved that I had decided against it.
My heart had stopped racing and I had calmed when I pulled up to my son’s school.
I was on time, a rarity. I took a moment to stretch my arms and back before walking towards my sons school.
Suddenly I see three people running in my direction looking horrified and confused.
A man, and behind him two women.
The man was carrying what I soon realized was a child.
To me it looked like a dead child.
I have seen many at this point, unfortunately, but the look was so similar.
The child about the size of a 3-year-old, laid limp in his arms, lying across both his hands.
I saw its arms flop as he ran, lifelessly.
Then I saw the blood. So much blood. This child’s entire face was covered in blood and it was not dripping, but pouring onto the floor as he ran.
Suddenly he stopped. He looked left and looked right.
He was in what I call “the baby run”, a move I have seen time and time again, as a natural reaction to an emergency with a baby or toddler. Instinct is run to help!
As he stopped my brain began to work…. It dawned on me that he didn’t know what to do next….
Suddenly, I heard myself yelling, “I’M A MEDIC!!!”
He bolted towards me and threw this child into my arms….
My thoughts were, “Oh God Miriam, not another child gone, and now it’s your problem, what are you gonna do?”
I felt my sweat dripping down my face….
I have this kid in my arms and people are all starting to crowd around with horror waiting to see what the random lady who doesn’t look like a medic but says she is one is going to do for this child.
Suddenly I feel a surge of energy, of clarity, of inspiration and determination combined.
I know what to do… and am ready to do it….
I put the baby down on the floor using my handbag as a pillow for her head…..
I feel my hat fall off… who cares, just keep moving…
Then, I see she is actually alive and conscious.
I take my jacket and wipe her entire face at once trying desperately to figure out where all this blood is coming from. The girl meanwhile is making retching sounds like she will soon throw up.
Then I had it. An obvious case and diagnosis. Severe head injury.
I found the source of the blood. A huge laceration across her entire forehead, so deep I was looking at her skull. She was retching because she has a significant head injury. I grab my bag, and grab sterile dressings and gloves, and begin applying as much pressure to the wound as was safe.
She looks at me and says I’m scared….
I felt like saying…”me too kid”!
But I knew what was right to say…
I ensured her current safety and that the horrific incident, still unknown to me, that had led to this all, was behind her, and that I wasn’t going to leave her until I knew she was in the right hands of the right people ready to take her to the hospital.
I did breathing cycles with her, while still applying pressure, and monitoring all her vitals.
She had a significant head injury but was stable.
I had managed to calm, her, the mother, the mothers friend, the poor security guard who had been carrying her, and all the hysterical people who had gathered around.
The situation was under control!
Back up volunteer medics arrived to help.
Now we just had to wait for the ambulance to arrive and scoop and run.
I waited 31 minutes for the ambulance, my dressings had absorbed what looked like liters of blood.
I began to wonder if it stopped bleeding because I had done the right thing or because she was running out of blood!
When I finally put her in the hands of the ambulance team and looked down at my dress…
A dress that had once been blue and was not that deep reddish color of blood on fabric….
I heard a EMT ask me….
“So where did you get the call from?”
I told him that I didn’t “get” the call, rather I had stumbled across it.
The driver said back, “those are the worst but also the best”.
Deep concept just thrown at me as he closed the door.
Validation.
That was exactly why I had been so afraid of this happening and had tried to be as best equipped as I possibly could.
The shock of being thrown into something could have damaging results to my mental state and cause everlasting trauma. However, having been aware of this possible eventuality gave me a small sense of control of a situation I was not in control of.
I realized then and there, that I am “prepared to be unprepared!”
